Seriously, Jacob, no more games.
Come on, one more.
Okay, but just one more.
Awesome. Okay, this one's fun.
- In America, we call this "beer huntin'." - Okay.
You gotta say it with a accent, too.
Beer hunting.
Close enough.
I think it's kinda fitting considering we're...
out in the middle of the fucking woods.
I am beer hunter!
Teach me, beer hunter!
Okay.
Okay, this one's simple.
Wait. What are you doing?
Watch.
Seriously, what are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
Here, hold this.
Now, open it.
Are you fucking crazy?
It's gonna spray me.
That's right.
And if it does,
you'll have been killed by the beer hunter.
I'm not opening it. You open it.
- No, you open it. - Uh, no, you open it.
- No, you open it. - No, you open it.
All right. I can do that.
- I may not come out of it alive. - Uh-huh.
I forgot to mention, if it doesn't kill you,
then you gotta drink the whole can
or take off all your clothes.
I mean, whichever you choose.
I mean, I'm all about a woman's right to choose.
Let me think about that.
Should I strip
or should you drink?
Chug, chug, chug.
So, you win and I'm bored.
I think we should play something more exciting
than beer fisher.
Beer hunter.
Whatever.
What?
No one can see us. Come on.
And if they can, so what?
You're so Euro.
Tell me you didn't just hear that.
No.
- You didn't hear that? - Well... No.
There's no one here, Jacob.
- Yeah, hold on... - No, seriously.
Jacob, come on.
I'm gonna go get my light.
Hey, Tatiya...
Tatiya?
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Where are you?
I'm coming to get you.
Are you playing hide-and-go-seek?
Tatiya!
What the hell?
This bag weighs fucking 70 pounds.
- We're only going two days, Jamie. - Look, John.
I've got shit that I need.
Exactly, a bunch of shit.
Why are we going anyway? The weather blows.
Shh, just chill.
Just chill.
Steve, come on. Not that guy.
No, Shan. Don't worry about it.
He's cool. Don't worry about it.
Hey, John!
Ah, shit.
Hey, pretend you don't see him, all right?
S'up, girls?
Dude, what's going on, man?
Yeah. How'd that bud work out for you the other night, dude?
Awesome.
I'm gonna need some more after this weekend.
I'll hit you up Monday?
Yeah, that's fine. That's fine.
I got you covered.
So, I heard you're going camping.
Who told you that?
Dude, you know me. I'm connected.
What do you think if me and Shannon tag along?
Dude, no, man.
She's a political science major.
Yeah? What's that supposed to mean?
Man, we just wanna party this weekend.
We don't wanna talk about philosophy and shit.
She does party, dude. Shannon's cool.
Nah, man.
Looks like a narc to me.
Dude, she's not a narc.
She smokes. She's cool.
Sorry, private party.
Come on, we got our own gear.
We even got our own weed, man.
I'll drive.
You paying for gas?
Dude, come on.
I got you covered.
All right, fuck it.
Oh, geez, God! Relax!
- Move, John! - Damn.
Fuckin' bitches.
Hey, man.
Steve, check out Opie over there.
Dude, this place is in the middle of nowhere, dude.
Where you taking us?
We're going way out there, man.
There's a killer party spot back in the day.
Yeah? How'd you hear about it?
Hah, you know me. I'm connected.
Yeah, whatever, dude.
Nah, man, I'm just fucking with you.
So, are you paying for gas?
Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
We'll go on in and get some beer.
- You need anything? - Nah, dude, I'm good.
- Shit! - Hi, I'm going inside.
Need anything? Some Preparation H?
Vagisil? Monistat 7? Valtrex?
Anything to help cure that itch down south perhaps?
No? Good? Great!
Jerk.
What's his deal anyway?
I fucking hate that guy.
Come on, babe.
We are here for you and me.
- Not him. - Are you sure about that?
Well, unless you want to play girlfriend-swap.
Ew, no, that'll never happen.
- It was a joke. - Well, it wasn't funny.
Joke.
Hey, Mute Boy, man, want a beer?
Oh, psych-ay, man. Why don't y'all
blow that nose a little bit there, man.
Fuckin' freak.
Hey, let's go.
What is this place? It's such a dump.
It's a campsite.
- Are you serious? - Are we stopping?
Oh, my God. You gotta be kidding.
Well, I guess this is it.
John, where's the bathroom?
You gotta piss again?
What the hell are you,
like, an 85-year-old woman or something?
- Rough it! - What is this?
Tell me this is not where we're camping, John.
There's nothing out here.
Yeah, this place is disgusting.
The hell? Take a look around.
We're out in the middle of nowhere.
This place is the shit.
It is not the shit.
There's, like, a full kitchen and a bathroom.
There's a toilet and a sink and a bathtub
and a stove and a refrigerator.
Have you noticed, John? This place is a dump.
Hey, man, you know how to pick 'em.
You got a totally domesticated bitch over there.
John, stop being such a dickhead.
Dickhead?
Ah, come on, baby, you want this dickhead.
- Yeah, come on! - Get her, John.
- Yeah! - Get her, John.
- Getting that crazy action. - Yeah!
You ready to party, man?
- You ready to get high? - You know it.
Get down and go stupid, man?
Mindy! What the fuck?
Trying to set a world record over there?
Come on!
Hold your damn horses, John!
Zip your shit up and get over here.
Hey, you guys ready to grab our shit?
- Yeah, man. - Let's go, man.
Come on, Shan, let's grab the stuff.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
I'll grab it.
Dude, if you don't get that bitch in line now, man,
she's gonna be walking over you for years.
Don't worry about it, dude.
I got it taken care of.
If you want to be a pussy the rest of your life,
then I mean, hey, that's all on you.
Hand me the bag, dude.
Don't fucking talk to me like that, you piece of shit.
What?
Yeah, that's right, you're gonna grab it.
You're gonna carry it all now.
Look at you.
- One more bag, dude. - Keep talking.
Dude, you keep talking to me like that, man,
your grandkids are gonna walk...
Oh, oh, hey, John,
tell the one about what's-her-name.
Who?
Oh, you know,
that ugly chick with the red hair.
Oh, that bitch!
That's the one. Tell that one.
All right, all right. You guys are gonna love this.
So I was seeing this redheaded chick, right?
She had a million-dollar body, but a food-stamp face.
We were out eating one night at Cantina's,
little Mexican place off Fifth.
Have this bangin'-ass bean dip, man.
Their bean dip is so good.
Yeah, man, I've had it.
It gives you the squirts.
Dude, it kept getting all stuck in her braces and shit.
But anyways, we paid our tab
and go out to the parking lot, right?
She just straight up attacks me up against the car.
She starts going down on me.
Right in the parking lot?
Fuck, yeah, man!
So I start putting my arms...
like, put my hands over her head, you know,
and grabbing the back of her head, you know?
Like, "Ahh."
I said, "Damn, girl.
You better watch those orthodontic accessories."
I thought she was gonna rip my dick off.
But then, I felt this building, man.
It was like this awful pressure, you know?
That bean dip was coming back to haunt me, right?
Oh, no.
I didn't know what was going to happen.
It was either I gotta blow ass
or I was gonna nut in her mouth.
But I was just trying to hold it off,
and I felt it just coming, man, and building and building.
And I start working my hands down over her ears,
hoping it would muffle the sound.
Then, all of a sudden, bang, man, it rips.
And it's one of those nasty wet ones, right?
Oh, man.
I thought it was gonna totally kill the mood
and that was going to be the end of that one, you know?
But she loved it, man.
She kept going after it, you know?
- No. - Yeah, man.
It was fucking crazy.
She's a fucking freak.
She loved the cock.
Yeah.
All right, everybody.
Raise your glasses high.
To redheads.
Freaky bitches in town.
Ooh, God.
I'll tell you what, man.
All that talking about farting
and, like, that bean dip, man...
I feel one coming on right now.
You guys are gonna love this shit.
Wait, man, you're gonna burn your ass.
Dude, let me get my camera.
Hurry up, man!
- Holy shit! - Whoa. Whoa.
Dude, you scared the hell out of me, man.
It's okay.
Sorry about that.
I saw your campfire from back there.
Just wanted to make sure everything was okay.
Yeah, uh...
- Wanna have a seat, man? - Yeah, man.
Have a seat. Take a load off.
Yeah. Thank you.
So, you want a "s'more?"
No. No.
I could go for a beer, though.
Oh, fuck, yeah! That's my kind of man!
There you go, buddy.
- Thanks. - All right.
So, you live around here, man?
Or you just out here kickin' it like us?
Here? Oh, no, no.
I got a place about 20 miles that-a-way.
20 miles?
Yeah.
I go on these long hikes every week.
Sometimes I just wander around.
You know, it's good for the soul.
- Yeah, sounds cool, man. - Yeah.
Yeah, I used to come out here all the time.
You know, this was the party place in the day.
See? Who's the man?
I told you!
Didn't I say this place was the shit?
I like this guy.
Yeah!
I'll give you credit.
You're braver than I am.
What do you mean?
You don't know?
Know what?
Wow.
All right. All right.
Well, like I said, this used to be a big party hang-out.
There were kids who'd come out here all the time,
drinking and smoking themselves into a stupor.
And there was this ranger who used to work out here
by the name of Walter Kreel.
Walter Kreel.
Yeah.
Well, apparently, kids would come out here
partying and dropping shit everywhere
for poor Walt to clean up after they left.
Kinda selfish of them, wouldn't you say?
Well, Ol' Walt was working at the outpost one weekend
and, sure enough,
a bunch of kids came by and partied it up again.
And, uh, they thought it'd be fun
to play a little joke on him.
So they snuck up on the cabin...
slid a tire iron through the door handle,
closed all the window latches...
and they started shooting fireworks at the cabin.
Yeah, it was all good fun...
till one of them sparks hit some dry leaves.
Shit, that cabin went up like a cardboard box
dipped in kerosene.
Just imagine what it's like to be burned alive.
You can't see.
Smoke starts clogging your eyes.
You try to clear them, but that damn black soot,
it just keeps coming.
Then you hold your breath, hoping that'll keep you alive,
but after a couple of minutes,
you gasp for air.
And smoke just starts searing lungs
till it fills your belly.
Then the heat intensifies.
Starts to cook your brains.
Then you scream.
You can't help but scream.
Then you just drift into this painful black abyss.
- Oh, my G... - God didn't save Walter that night.
Neither did them kids.
They just ran away like the little bastards
that they were.
Did he survive?
Nobody knows.
They never found his body.
They say his restless spirit
walks these woods, looking for vengeance...
killing anybody he feels is violating his forest.
Well, I'd better get.
Thanks for the beer.
Oh, yeah, and, uh, make sure y'all
put that fire out proper, you hear?
That was fucking awesome!
That wasn't awesome, John.
Yeah, John. Someone died.
That was a killer story, man!
He was just pulling your chain!
Seriously, I've heard that shit a million times.
- You've heard that story before? - Fuck, yeah, I have.
- You want me to tell you how it ends? - Yeah.
See that stump over there?
Old Walt got Smokey the Bear,
bent him over a stump
for a little bit of backdoor action.
- Really? - Oh, hell, yeah.
You want me to show you how it was?
This is what happened, man.
Smokey! Oh, Smokey!
Oh, burnt ranger!
Oh, burnt ranger.
John, you're such an asshole.
That's not funny.
What, you didn't like that shit?
You guys are gonna love this.
It's just like the man said, man.
Hey, you guys make sure you put that fire out, you hear?
I'm pissin' on the fire with a strong desire.
to get a little higher before the night expires.
Yeah, baby.
Okay. That's disgusting.
What? She never seen a cock before?
Seriously, what the fuck? Where you going?
- We're just getting started here. - I'm going to bed.
What the shit's up with that?
Come on, Steve.
Steve, you're going to bed too, man?
- What the fuck? - Come on, Steve.
- Well... - Don't be such a damn pussy.
Yeah, but...
All right, you better nail that shit
if you're going in there, cutting us short, man.
Oh, yeah, it's just me and you, girls.
Yeah.
Better get out the good shit now.
Gotta keep this party rolling, you know what I'm saying?
Steve.
Steve, get up.
Steve, get up. Come on.
Hello?
Oh, God.
Where are you going?
You mean, where are we going?
No. I mean, where are you going?
On the drive in, I saw this fire tower.
I was gonna hike it up there.
Steve, I'm not going hiking.
What, do you have a hangover or something?
No.
According to the guide here, it was built in 1938.
I don't wanna go.
I need a shower. I feel disgusting.
Oh, come on. It's all part of the experience.
Just walk it off. You'll feel better.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm seeing if he wants to go.
Oh, man.
John.
Hey, John!
What the fuck? Doesn't anybody knock anymore?
Come on, man. We're going hiking.
Hiking?
Seriously, what the fuck, man?
- Get outta here. - It's a camping trip.
We're gonna hike it up to the fire tower.
Get the fuck outta here.
You sure?
Get the fuck outta here, man!
Come on, dick cheese. Get outta here.
What the fuck?
I'm trying to sleep, man.
I'm fucking hung over, you dipshit!
He was probably watching us, cock-smoking bandit!
I guess it's just you and me.
Why did I let you talk me into coming on this stupid trip?
Can you believe that shithead?
Shut up, John!
It's so nice out here.
Oh!
What are you doing?
It's a walking stick.
What?
I need coffee!
Here. Nature's coffee.
Keeps you upright.
Go ahead. Take it.
Come on.
Oh, Shan, look.
There's wild geese out there.
Steve, I hate you right now.
Oh, this place is amazing.
It's not amazing.
Why did we walk through this field?
How come we didn't stick the trails?
I hate to ruin the vegetation.
Ooh! See that?
That's a white pine.
That's fascinating, Steven.
You know, contrary to popular belief,
pine trees don't stay green all year.
They turn brown, too.
You're an idiot.
Geez. Thanks.
Ahhh! Oh, yeah!
You like that shit, bitch? Oh, there you go.
Drink up. Mmm. Open wide. Fuck, yeah!
Yeah. You like that shit, bitch?
Yeah, suck that shit.
Have a nice drink, you fucking piece of shit.
Fuck, yeah!
Oh, shit!
Aw, damn.
Hey, Jamie!
Jamie, can you give me some damn aspirin?
Got a headache from hell! Shit!
Jamie!
Where the fuck is that bitch at?
Bitches aren't ever around when you need them, man.
Jamie!
This lake's pretty.
Yeah, pretty shitty.
You know what I realized last night?
What?
John's getting fat.
Yeah, right. John's a hot rod.
Yeah, maybe he used to be a hot rod.
Well, that didn't stop you from
wanting to sexually harass him last night.
Jamie, you know he was all over me.
Whatever. Let's just not forget he is my boyfriend.
That was exactly why he was all over me.
He's tired of your fat ass.
- Well, you're a fat ass. - Shannon's got a fat ass.
Are you okay, Mindy?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Sure you're okay?
Yeah. I just had a crazy dream.
- Oh, John, you dick! - What the fuck?
God!
What the hell is this shit?
You ladies hungry?
- Fuck off, John! - Nasty.
That is disgusting. Come take this shit away.
That is awesome is what it is.
Whatever.
So, uh, how about you guys grab your shit,
put your clothes on and go back to camp?
'Cause I'm starving, all right?
Whatever.
Gross. Asshole.
Stop laughing, asshole!
Steve, let's go back. I'm getting hungry.
Well, I've got some trail mix.
I need real food, not M&M's and peanuts.
It is real food.
You know, I don't get this here.
According to the guide, the tower's four miles from camp.
What? Four miles?
Yeah.
You realize we probably walked a mile at most?
Yes!
Where the hell are we, Steve?
Well, I was gonna show you, but...
Right there is where we camp.
I think you're reading it wrong.
Oh, Shannon. Come on.
I've used this thing a million times.
- We probably just turned east... - Steven...
No, I think we need to go back.
No, just give me a second here.
I'll get this figured out.
Steve.
- Right there. - Steve!
What? What?
What is that?
I don't know.
Well, let's go check it out.
Hey, I wonder what this was.
- Well, it looks pretty old. - Yeah.
Probably an old meth lab or something, huh?
Steve, it's not an old meth lab.
Think somebody lived all the way out here?
I don't know, and I don't really care.
- What are you doing? - I'm going in.
No, you're not. That thing'll fall on you.
Nah, it's cool.
Looks stable.
I'm starving. I'm going back the way I came.
Aw, come on, Shan.
- Come on! I'm coming! - Run!
Aw, shit!
I can't believe that, man.
Think I'm a rapist or something, man.
Fucking trying... Damn!
Where'd you guys go?
Seriously, where you guys at?
You gonna start without me or something?
Oh, shit!
Damn it! What the fuck?
Got you, loser.
Who pushes somebody in a tent?
Don't call me a loser, bitch!
What the fuck?
What's so funny? That's not funny.
Fucking stupid, man!
It's all childish and immature, man.
What the fuck? Sober up.
You guys ate all the damn brownies, too?
Come on! Seriously! I mean, that's some bullshit, man.
You ate all the damn food. I'm, like... I'm fucking, like...
Damn!
Eat a dick, really. Seriously.
There ain't even any beer left, man.
God!
What are you trying to do? Become Olympic weight lifters
or something, man, eating that kind of diet?
Seriously, what the fuck were you guys thinking?
What the hell kind of breakfast do you call that?
Ate all the lunch meat,
all the bread, all the brownies.
You drank up, like, half the drinks.
What the shit is that?
Did you have the munchies this morning or something?
What's up, guys?
Hey, where the fuck have you been?
We took a little nature walk, man.
Nature walk? You've been gone for hours.
What the hell were you doing out there?
I told you, looking at nature, dude. It's a good time.
- You should do it. - At least tell me you got some
while we're sitting here starving.
No?
- No. - What the fuck, man?
These idiots ate all the food, man. What are we gonna do?
Dude, we have the other cooler in the truck.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
What the fuck we sitting here for? Give me the keys.
You coming with me, man, or what?
- Go with him. - You all right here?
I'll be fine. I'll hang out with them. It'll be great.
Hey, do me a favor, since you guys,
like, don't do anything except eat food
and sit there on your ass.
Would you grab a few sticks? Something?
Just keep that fire going?
You know how big of a pain in the ass
that is to try to start at night?
Come on, man. Didn't you hear me back there?
I'm fucking starving.
Fucking women, man.
Always bitching about something.
Dude, I just wanna party.
I don't care about all this chick drama.
I can't believe those idiots ate all the food.
- Dude, can I ask you something? - Shoot.
Would it be possible for you to
start paying your tab when we get back?
- "Tab"? - Well, you know, for the weed.
Dude, that bitch say something to you?
Whoa, dude. Don't call her a bitch, man.
You always have to refer to women as "bitches"?
Sorry, Shannon.
Thank you. And, no, she didn't say anything about it.
Sure, man.
Dude, I'll start paying your tab
when you quit being such a fucking pussy.
Dude, look at this spot right here.
This is perfect. How come you just didn't set camp here?
Stop being a bitch, man. It's not that far.
Hey, click the back open.
Give me a second.
Who the hell are you?
Answer me, you damn hillbilly.
What the hell you staring at?
- They're not safe. - What's not safe?
What the hell you doing back here?
The woods. They're not safe.
What?
Oh, you backing up now?
Oh! What the fuck, dude?
- Aw, dude. John. - What?
- Dude, come here. - What?
Come here, man. Check this out.
No fucking way! That piece of shit!
I'm gonna...
Where the fuck did he go?
Fucking hillbilly Houdini and shit.
- Damn! - Aw, man! Are you kidding me?
- Dude, come here. - What?
- Two flats. - What?
Damn it! I really hate that guy!
How the fuck are we gonna get outta here now?
- Dude... - What the hell we gonna do now?
I have no idea, but I'm about to leave in a second.
You know what we're gonna do?
We're gonna find that son of a bitch
and we're gonna fucking, like
just jack him the fuck up, man!
That's what we're gonna do.
I'm not touching that guy.
I'm going back to camp in a second here.
Dude, tell me at least you got a spare, man.
We can at least drive on the rim or something.
We have one spare. I'm not riding on my rims.
- It'll fuck up the rims. - Man, fuck your rims, man.
We gotta get the fuck outta here tomorrow, man.
Run right back to camp where we were.
I gotta get to school.
Man!
- God! - Dude, come on. Let's go.
I gotta hear them girls bitching about all the other shit.
Now we gotta compile this on top of it.
What the fuck are we gonna do now?
Mindy, what are you doing?
Well, I saw them do this on the Nature Channel.
It helped there.
What the hell are you watching the Nature Channel?
What's wrong with you?
What?
Nothing.
Fuck it.
So, Shannon,
how long have you and that Steve been together?
Two years this February.
Really?
God. I don't know if I could stand being with a guy that long.
I'm in love with John
but I don't think I could stand his ass
for, like, two more minutes.
Yeah, like, the longest relationship I've ever had
is six months.
I've been with Dan for about two so far.
"Dan"?
Yeah. Dan.
Does he know about your threesome thingie?
Are you serious?
No fucking way.
He'd be totally pissed off if he knew about it.
So he doesn't know about...
John?
Hell, no.
He'd be really pissed off if he knew.
What if he tried to sleep around behind your back?
Yeah, right. I'd be so pissed.
I'd cut John's balls off
if he ever cheated on me.
What about her?
- Mindy? - Yeah.
Hell, no.
He would never cheat on me with her.
I'm way hotter.
Excuse me?
What?
Bitch.
Slut.
Nothin', dude.
That hick bastard!
Gosh.
What are we gonna do now?
I don't know, man.
Did you call 911?
Look, dude. There's nothing we can do about it right now.
- Let's just go... - Wrecker... wrecker service?
Did you call wrecker service?
No, dude. Let's just go back to camp.
We'll figure it out after we eat. All right?
All right.
Aw, those bitches ate all the food, and now this?
God...
Smooth move, Ex-Lax. Can't even hold the shit you put in it.
Dude, chill out, man.
Man, I can't wait to see
what Shannon has to say about this!
Come on. Just go.
All I wanna do is party, man!
What the fuck!
Damn it!
Stop calling her a bitch, too, by the way.
She is a bitch!
Dude, I think we're lost.
Don't worry about it! Who's the man?
I can't believe that shit!
I know, dude. Shannon's gonna be pissed.
So what? Grow a dick, man!
What a party pal.
What do you think he was doing?
Oh, aside from popping our tires,
I'd say he was back there rubbin' one out!
That's what people do around here!
I don't know, man...
Look around! We're in the middle of pig fucking country...
Whoa!
Sorry about that.
What the fuck?
Almost got you there, didn't?
No shit, Sherlock!
Hell you doin' up there?
Yeah, man? What are you...
Bird watching.
There's a white-tailed hawk's nest up there.
Thought I'd check it out.
You almost killed us over some fucking birds?
Sometimes these branches give way.
What are you gonna do?
So what's in the cooler?
Dinner.
Actually, man, could you help us out with something?
What?
Sick bastard popped our tires.
And?
And we only have one spare.
Did you call for help?
We don't exactly get reception out here.
Hey, man. You got a phone or something we could use?
Yeah, I got a phone.
Satellite phone. I only use it for emergencies.
Well, I think this pretty damn well
classifies as an emergency!
Hey, you got me there.
All right.
It's back at the camp. In my bag.
You guys parked at the old lot?
Yeah.
All right.
I'll meet you at sundown.
Dude, thanks a lot, man.
That's awesome.
No problem.
Hey, if you're not busy later,
you can come back to the camp site.
We got a lot of beer, if you wanna
kill it with us for a little bit.
Nah.
I got some hiking to do tomorrow, and...
wouldn't wanna stay up all night, you know?
All right, boss man. Suit yourself.
That guy was cool, huh?
Yeah, if you like fucking freaks.
You believe that shit?
Imagine if that thing woulda hit me in the face, man!
That was fucked up!
Hey, quick! Who am I?
- I don't know. - I'll give you one clue!
"Oh, Stephen! I love your massive penis!
"Maybe I should pull mine out, and we can cross swords!
"Compare cock sizes?"
It's not even funny, dude.
You think her dick's bigger than yours?
Come on. Help me pick this up.
Seriously? How big is Shannon's wang?
I wanna know, man.
She wears the pants, anyways, right?
She's like the boss of the relationship?
She's gotta have a bigger cock than yours.
I just know it, man.
I'm starving.
Finally.
What the fuck you mean, finally?
I didn't see your sweet ass
try to help out in this adventure!
You didn't offer to go come with us to get this food.
Where's Jamie?
She went to pee.
What is it with you girls
and always going to the damn bathroom?
Where's the wood at?
Hey, there's no chocolate.
Yeah, no shit. You idiots got baked as hell last night,
and ate all the damn food.
Where's the chocolate?
Where's the wood?
Right there.
What the...
what the fuck do you call that?
What are we gonna do, play arts and crafts later?
You know, what are we gonna do?
Like, whittle that shit down
into little popsicle sticks
and paint smiley faces on that shit?
Seriously, what the fuck?
The sun's goin' down. What are we gonna do?
Build a fire!
With that shit? Are you fucking nuts?
Damn it!
Sun's goin' down...
God!
What the fuck you shits lookin' at?
You guys gonna help me out here?
No, John. Go get it yourself.
Your girlfriends were supposed to get the wood.
- Not us. - God!
You never send a woman to do a man's job.
Point in case.
Fuckin' shit! You lousy...
God! I gotta do everything my damn self.
Shit!
I can't believe this shit!
Something that could have been prevented hours ago.
Bitches are so fucking lazy.
Just wanna have a good time!
Those bitches gotta ruin mine.
Out here pickin' up wood,
like they fuckin' should.
Oh... damn it.
Can't believe he's such a fucking pussy.
Just wanted to stay back there, and...
Bitches always gotta eat up all the damn food.
Gettin' so fat it's puttin' me out of the mood, man.
Shoulda dumped them ho's a long time ago.
Ah, shit.
Sun's goin' down.
Steve, I can't take this any more.
John's driving me crazy. We're not staying tonight.
- Well, Shannon, we just... - What?
Well, we can't exactly leave yet.
Why?
Because the tires are flat?
What?
Shannon! Chill out! It's not our fault!
Well, how are we gonna leave?
How are we gonna leave?
Well... relax.
We ran into the hiker from the other night.
He said he had a phone. We just had to meet him later.
Then what are you doing here?
Well, he's not there yet!
We're going.
Wh... what?
We're going. Now.
Wait.
Now!
That's okay. I was gonna go find Jamie anyway.
Oh, shit.
Fuckin' bitches, man.
Who the hell are you, man?
Seriously. What the fuck are you doin',
steppin' up on me like that, man?
What's with the ax?
Some kind of lumberjack or something?
Tell you what, man. I'll give you...
give you a beer if you let me borrow that.
Or if you wanna help out. Chop some wood up.
Take it back to a little camp, man.
We're gonna party down.
No?
So, what's with the suit, man?
It's a little warm for that shit.
You roll around in the mud or something?
What are you doing, man?
Nothin'?
Seriously, man! What the hell are you doin'?
Don't wanna help me get up wood?
Don't wanna just... you just standin' there, man!
What, you just get out of prison, man?
You tryin' to look at my ass?
What's up?
Seriously! Get lost!
Damn backwoods bastard.
Fuckin' pussy. Who hits somebody from the back?
I'll telling you, he's not here yet.
Where is he?
I don't know. He said he wasn't
gonna be back until sundown.
Shannon, what about my gear?
What about your gear?
After you take me home, you can do whatever you want!
Come back! Get the gear! Get them!
Stay with them, for all I care!
I really don't care, Steve. I'm losing my mind.
Well, Shannon. We can't leave 'em here.
No, we can.
Well, I don't have my keys. We're gonna have to go back.
We're going.
Shannon. The tires are flat.
Get in the car.
You can drive on a flat.
Two flats! And you can't drive on the rims.
You'll damage 'em.
We just have to get to the gas station.
Look, I'm not driving on my rims, okay?
We're waiting for the guy.
No!
What time is it?
7:30
Where's your buddy?
I don't know. He said he'd be here later.
What time later?
I don't know. He just said later.
Look. Let's just forget about this whole weekend, okay?
- Yeah. Okay. - No, I'm serious.
Let's just go back to camp,
and deal with this car tomorrow.
Why don't we get to the gas station and call a tow, Steve?
Oh, Shannon, come on!
Geez!
Jamie!
Jamie, where the hell are you?
Jamie!
Jamie, where are you?
Jamie, this isn't funny!
Jamie?
Jamie, you scared me.
Are you okay?
Jamie?
I'm getting cold. Turn the heat on.
It... won't start.
Why not?
I don't know.
It's a luxury car. How does it not start?
I don't know.
I suppose I can take a look under the hood.
Oh, my God.
You know cars?
No. But is it gonna hurt to look?
This whole weekend has been a disaster.
Well, it's almost over. Don't worry.
Right.
Shit.
What's goin' on, Steve?
Nothing. I got it.
Hello?
John, come on, man. It's...
it's not funny.
Hello?
Okay...